How to get yourself turned by a vampire
by Happilyeverfter
Summary: Baz being a vampire and living forever isn’t something he brings into discussion very often. So Simon does


"Oh no you don't".

I grab Baz's arm, yanking him back before he can slam his apartment door shut in my face so he can be mad at me about our little disagreement.

"We are _not_ about to have a fight over this".

"Too late Snow" he grits, whipping his head around to face me. "If you don't want to fight, stop bringing it up".

I close my eyes for a moment, inhaling deeply. If I want to talk some sense into him, at least one of us has to be calm.

"We're going to have to bring it up eventually".

"Crowley Snow!" He yanks his arm from my grip, disappearing into the apartment and I follow in suit whilst shutting the door behind me. "No we're not. That's the whole bloody point".

"Listen to me" he's dropped down onto one of the leather couches andI sit with my knees on the ground in front of him. "You're a vampire".

"Really Snow?" He lets out a small sarcastic chuckle. "And too think. All this time I've grown up believing I was a mermaid".

"Baz be serious" I flick his ear and he scowls. "You're a vampire and you're going to live forever and-".

"And you're not" he interrupts, sousing bored. "We've been over this a million times. I'm going to spend the rest of eternity in my young fit and fab body while you grow old and you'll start looking like my dad and then my grandad and then, if you even live that long, like my great grandad and people will probably toss me in the cellar and put you in a home where you'll die and I'll be spending the rest of my life without you".

"Why does that not bother you!" I want to pull my hair out. And his. Yeah, I think I'll start with pulling his hair out first. "Do you not love me Baz?".

"I don't Simon. I just enjoy wasting this part of my life on and throwing my self in front of fire breathing dragons whilst being flammable for this sod who I obviously _don't lov_e".

"Don't smart ass me right now Baz for God's sake just talk to me".

"Is that not what we're doing, as of now?" He raises an eyebrow eloquently. Everything this tosser does is fucking eloquent.

"No" I glare at him. "As of now you're being a childish prat while I try to talk some sense into you about our future".

"_You're_ trying to talk some sense into _me_?" He scoffs, as of it's the most unbelievable thing he's ever heard. "Snow are you even hearing yourself? You're asking me to fucking turn you and _I'm_ the one who needs to have some sense put in me? You're fucking delusional".

"Baz" I try for a gentler tone because we're both yelling now and that's not my aim. My aim is a sensible, calm conversation where I convince Baz that he's going to turn me one day. "Let's think about this reasonably"

"There is _nothing_ bloody reasonable about what you're asking of me" he explodes.

"Why" I keep my tone level. "What's so unreasonable about it",

"Okay" Baz just shakes his head, and I'm not sure if it's to himself or directed at me. "I see now. You're drunk. Or high. Or most probably both. Oh wait, it's a spell isn't it. Fiona's gonna too far this time messing with me-"

"Oh for Christ's sake Baz" I scoff. "Stop dramatizing".

"Stop asking me to turn you".

See this is exactly how this conversation isn't supposed to go.

"Baz" I take both of his hands in mine. "Basilton".

"Yes Simoneous" he says dryly and I really, really resist the urge to punch him.

"Firstly" I sigh. "That's not even an actual name. Secondly, which retarded idiot would name their kid Simoneous-"

"The Mage" Bas supplies. "I'm surprised you didn't see it sooner. He checks all the boxes. Retarded, idiot, absolute zilch sense of style-"

"You're changing the topic" I give his hands a little squeeze and he looks at me expectantly.

"I apologize but our previous topic of discussion completely repelled me".

"You don't want to talk about this now?" I let go of his hands, throwing mine up in exasperation. "Fine. We can have the discussion some other time".

I get up and head for the door because I'm starting lose patience myself now. I can convince my boyfriend to make me a vampire some other day.

I'm reaching for the handle to close the entrance door when I hear a whoosh and he's outside the door, behind me.

This vampire speed thing manages to get me every single time.

"See that's where you're wrong" he breathes. "There's nothing to discuss Snow. So drop it".

"Are we through?" I burst. "Have you had enough of me already?".

I don't know why he's looking at me all confused like that.

"Just say it Baz" I grit out, crossing my arms over my chest. "Say the word and I'll know it's over".

"When did I ever give you the impression that I wanted to break up" his eyebrows crease so much they meet the middle.

"Well you're clearly repulsed by the idea of having to spend any more time with me than you absolutely have to".

Okay so maybe he never gave me that impression, but I'm too frustrated to care right now.

"Is that really what you think?" He rakes a hand through his hair, something I'm dying to do for him at the moment cause his hair looks so soft.

Yeah I'm always gonna be a sucker for him.

I tighten my arms around my chest, standing stiffly.

He's in front of me and were chest to chest in the spur of a second. Well, chest to arms more like but you get the picture.

He sets his hands on my shoulders, leaning forward and looking me in the eye in a way that makes me feel like he can hear every thought running through my brain right now.

Even the one at the very back of my mind that's always there somewhere- the recipe for sour cherry scones.

"You couldn't be further from the truth Snow" he says, his voice low.

We're still not getting anywhere.

"Then why won't you agree to fucking turn me!" I challenge.

"Snow" he scoffs. "You're mad to assume I was ever going to turn you in the first place, if you think I'm going to do it right now in the spur of the moment, you're absolutely mental".

"Well if the time you have with me is barely anything compared to your life span of an eternity, then why're we together now Baz ".

"Because I love you and I'm trying to savour every moment I have with you Snow".

"If you turn me we don't have to worry about that!".

"No" he shakes his head. "Just because I don't have an eternity with you doesn't mean I'm not going to make the most of the time I do have. Snow you're making it sound as if you're going to die tomorrow".

"Well I'm going to die one day Baz" I snap. "And you're going to mourn for me for a bit but then you're gonna move on".

"That's just how it is for vampires" he grits. "We have to accept it".

"Well I can't" I fire. "I'm not okay with that idea Baz. Not even a little bit".

"I'm not too keen on it either Snow, I don't think you realise".

"This can't just happen and then be over Baz"

"You think I want that?" He growls, eyes ablaze. "You think I want any of this vampire shit? News flash Snow. I don't, okay? I don't. You think I don't realise you'll keep growing older and ill be like this forever? You think I don't want to grow old with you? You think I don't know that you're going to go one day and I'm just gonna be left with my loneliness and these cursed fangs? You think I don't know I'm going to have to let go of you eventually?".

His voice cracks ever so slightly, so slightly that its barely there, but I catch it.

"I don't-" he cuts himself off. "I don't want to have to let go of you Simon".

His face is stony, impassive, but there's the ghost of glistening in his eyes.

"You don't" I say gently. "There's such a simple way out Baz. No terms and conditions. Just straightforward turn me".

"There are consequences" he lets out. "Crowley Snow are you dense? You'd be cursed to live dead, as a blood-sucking monster for eternity and there's no escaping it Snow. There's no fucking escaping it".

His voice cracks clearly this time, and a tear slips out, which he doesn't bother catching.

I bring my hand to his face, cold as usual, and wipe it for him, letting my palm rest on his cheek.

"I couldn't do that to you Simon.

He won't look at me.

"But what if I _want_ it".

"You don't know what you want" he scoffs.

"I want _you_ Baz" I say, exasperation seeping through my voice. "Why is that so hard for you to understand".

"I'm not turning you" he shakes his head, moving to brush past me.

"Fine" I sigh, hoping he can hear the evident defeat in my tone. "I'll just get someone else to do it".

And there's the vampire speed again. He whooshes in front of me in the spur of a second.

"You will do _no_ such thing".

"You know I will Baz" I cross my arms over my chest, unable to keep the smirk off my face.

"You" he growls, looking beyond annoyed.

"Find this funny? I don't think you realise the extent of what you're set out to do. Let me explain it to you. It's a curse Snow. If you haven't been cursed with it already, you're fucking mad to go and try and get yourself stuck with it. And you think I'm going to just stand there and let you do that to yourself you bloody numpty?".

I can't help myself- he's standing right in front of me, stone faced and frustrated, heat radiating off him for once- so I leave forward pressing my mouth to his.

"Hah" he pulls away immediately and I lol offended. "You can't kiss your way into this Snow".

"It's Simon" I grab his hands, entwining our fingers and using them to pull him against me. "And yes I can".

He looks like he's about to say something, but I speak before he starts and we go in the same loop of denial again.

"Listen Baz" I sigh. "You can forbid me while doing that scary thing with your eyes but you know if you say no I'll just go behind your back anyway. So isn't it better I'm sired to you or whatever".

"You're unbelievable" he mutters in a low growl, but I can already see signs of defeat.

"I know".

"You're an insufferable pillock".

"I know".

"Bloody twat" he continues. "Wanker. Plonker. Twat. Git. The works".

"I know" I simply grin- I can't help it.

He buries his face I the crook of my neck, groaning.

"I should break up with you" he mumbles and I stiffen. "Save you from me- and yourself".

"You can't break up with me" I tangle my hands in his hair. "Firstly, I wouldn't accept it- I'd stick to you like anything. Secondly, you don't have it in you".

I'm partially trying to reassure myself.

He pulls his head up, sighing softly.

"You're right. I'm a selfish prat".

He grabs me, pulling me forward and connects our lips in that same one move.

"Mhm" I murmur against him. "I'm glad".


End file.
